How is it possible to be confident, yet humble?

 

One of the rarest character combinations is the coexistence of confidence and humility. Often people who are confident are not humble and people with humility are not confident. Confidence blended with humility is most appreciated by everyone. 


Therefore, how can confidence be developed in one who is humble, and humility in one who is confident? 

First, see your life in the bigger context of time and space and then you will realize your life is nothing. 


Second, those who are humble need to see that they are unique and dear to the Divine. This will bring confidence, and when you realize you are insignificant, that also brings confidence. 


And third, having a guru will give you confidence and will culture humility in you. 


When you have a guru, you cannot be arrogant. The weakness in humility and the arrogance in confidence are removed, and you are left with confidence and humility.

A stranger sense of belongingness

 

A sense of belonging can bring about a host of negative behaviors – demands, jealousy, lack of awareness and ingratitude. Just look at your own life. You are nicer to strangers, feel more grateful to them and give them more attention than to the people you feel “belong” to you. 


A sense of belonging reduces gratefulness and awareness, and gives rise to demands that destroy love. This is the biggest problem in relationships. With a sense of belonging comes a feeling of being carefree and indifferent. Look...belongingness can make you insensitive and dull, and can remove the charm in life. 


In any case, who belongs to whom in this world? You are a stranger here and everyone is a stranger to you. Blessed are those who feel they are strangers. You feel more obligation to a stranger than to a person you feel close to. Obligation is very good at keeping a check on your ego; it makes you humble. There is no greater antidote to ego than humility, and humility is the beginning of all virtues. 


People have such resistance to obligations. They do not realize they are always under obligations, whether giving or taking. Dull people think they are obliged only when they take. Wise people know that even when they are giving they are under obligation, as the person has accepted what they give. So whether you give or take, you are under obligations. And if someone does not give or take, they are still under obligation because they are freeing you from visible obligations – you are obliged even to those who do not make you obliged


Life continually renews itself with you becoming a stranger in this old and familiar world. You are simply loaded with obligations and you are a total stranger in this world at every moment.

How does your ego come in the way of self-esteem?

 

There are two types of respect. The first is respect that comes to you because of your position, fame, or wealth. This type of respect is impermanent. It can be lost once you lose your wealth or status. 


The second type of respect comes because of your smile and your virtues such as honesty, kindness, commitment and patience. This respect no one can take away. 


The less you are attached to your virtues, the more self-respect you have. When you get attached to your virtues, you treat others with disdain and then your virtues start diminishing. Non-attachment to virtues brings the highest self-respect. 


Ego is often confused with self-esteem. Ego needs another for comparison, but self-esteem is just confidence in oneself. For example, a person claiming that (s)he is skilled in mathematics or geography has self-esteem. But to say, “I am more skilled than you,” is ego.


Ego simply means lack of respect for the Self. Your ego will often leave you upset, but if you have self-esteem, you will be unshaken by external factors. In self-respect everything is a game, winning or losing has no meaning, every step is joy and every move is celebration. With self-esteem you simply realize you have it.

Nature of friendship

 

Examine the cause of your friendships. Here are the reasons you make friends:

  • You have common enemies. Fear or a threat to survival brings people together. 
  • You have common problems such as an illness or job dissatisfaction. 
  • You have common job or professional interests. 
  • You have common tastes and interests, such as sports, movies, music and hobbies. 
  • You have compassion or provide service. 
  • You become friends merely because of long-term acquaintance with one another. 


Brave are those who nurture friendships for only friendship’s sake. Such friendships will never die nor become sour for they are born out of your friendly nature, and only through wisdom can you be friendly by nature.

Only a fool is bothered by foolishness

 

What really perturbs you? Is it the foolishness that goes on around you? It is foolish to be perturbed by foolishness. Foolishness cannot overpower or annihilate wisdom nor does foolishness last very long. 


When you are not well grounded in wisdom, then foolishness perturbs you, throws you off balance. When you create space for foolishness, you will not get perturbed by it, rather you will laugh and move on. Otherwise, you get hateful or angry, or become stressed by foolish acts. 


When you know that truth is eternal and invincible, you accept foolishness as a joke and remain unmoved by it. Those who are averse to foolishness or get irritated by it are also members of the fools’ club.

An insight into "ego"

 

Ego is an impediment for a leader, a wise man, a merchant, or a servant, but it is required for a warrior and a competitor. A warrior takes on challenges and commitments and stands by them. 


Ego makes you sacrifice yourself for a cause. Ego gives strength and courage and brings valor to meet challenges with endurance and perseverance. A strong ego will counteract depression. 


Ego is often considered selfish, but it is the greatest motivating factor for creativity and generosity. Ego propels you to venture into the unknown. 


There are three types of ego – sattvic, rajasic and tamasic. Tamasic ego is barbaric, blind and self-destructive. Rajasic ego is self-centered and causes misery to oneself and others. Sattvic ego is creative and has protective tendencies. If you cannot surrender, at least have a sattvic ego, as a sattvic ego is always ready to sacrifice.

Memory is both a blessing and a hindrance

 

Being forgetful of your nature is the root cause of all problems and suffering in life. But the very remembrance of your nature, which is godliness, brings freedom. 


Here memory is your best friend. The purpose of knowledge is to remind you of your true nature. In the Bhagwad Gita, Arjuna said to Krishna, “My memory is back. Now I have realized my true nature and will do as you say.” 


Memory is a blessing and is your best friend when it helps you realize your true nature. Memory is a hindrance when it does not let you be free of events, pleasant or unpleasant. 


Pleasant events create cravings and competition in the mind and do not allow fresh experiences. Unpleasant events bias perception and create paranoia. 


So, memory is both a blessing and a hindrance depending on whether you remember your nature or whether you are stuck with events in time and space.

Why natural disasters take place

 

From time to time the earth shakes and in its shaking wakes up the man who is in slumber, the man who not only misuses Nature but puts his faith in bricks and mortar. Your true security is in the Self, not in bricks and mortar. Perhaps this is what nature wants to convey to you. Earthquakes, floods and volcanoes all drive home the truth that nothing is permanent and you can find no security in that which is impermanent. Disasters come to you as a shock and wakes you up. 


When such calamities occur, we try to understand their cause so that we can blame someone. Strangely, when you find someone to blame, you feel comfortable, but with natural calamities you cannot blame anyone. They come to you as a shock. With wisdom, shocks can make you grow in leaps and bounds. Without wisdom, a shock can only lead you to negativity and depression. 


Why would nature destroy small innocent children? Nature just does its job. It does not discriminate between young and old.  


Instead of questioning nature, wake up and see the opportunity for seva, or service. See what happened in Gujarat. Hundreds and thousands of people engaged in service activities that would not have happened otherwise. The reconstruction of Gujarat would not have taken place if not for earthquake. Out of the destruction, a freshwater spring has appeared in a region that has been continuously drought prone. 


Wisdom is considering the Earth as your Valentine. Whether it shakes or breaks, it is dear to you. You always see good coming from it. 


The five elements, other than space, create turbulence from time to time. If you depend on them for support, they will shake you and lead you back to space. Finding security in inner space is spirituality.

Solving problems

 

The best solution to a problem is not to have the problem at all. The second best solution is to willingly accept the problem and see it as a challenge. The third best solution is to know that the problem is just a monster under the bed – it is not real. 


The final solution is to know that nature provides you the solution even before giving you the problem. First you met me and then you had a problem! 


There are no bacteria in the winter since herbs to heal you do not grow then. In the spring, the herbs grow first and then the bugs arrive. In the summer, the shade comes before the summer sun gets strong. So, nature takes good care of you. 


What if longing is a problem? Longing ripens you. Do not solve all your problems. Keep at least one of them. You need something to munch on – and life goes on.


Whenever there is a problem, you either deny it saying there is no problem, or you sit down to solve the problem and make it a big issue. Neither of these help. A problem does not disappear when you deny it and it does not get solved when you sit down to solve it. The five steps to solve a problem are:

  • Recognize that it exists. 
  • See it as a small problem and do not say it is big. 
  • If it concerns people, keep in touch with them instead of avoiding them. 
  • Talk less and give time a chance.
  • Get together and celebrate. When you celebrate and put the problem on the back burner, you will see that the problem gets solved in time. 


So, it is wise not to sit down to solve a problem. Many of the meetings to solve problems end up in disaster. If you do not have any problems, you will create problems or you will become a problem yourself! If you have a small problem in your pocket to solve, it will give focus to your mind. It is better to have a problem than to be a problem. 

Relationship between joy and sorrow

 

The inability to experience joy and sorrow is inertia. Experiencing joy and sorrow is a trait of consciousness. 


Being happy in one’s own joy and sad in one’s own sorrow is a trait of animals. Being happy at another’s joy and saddened by another’s sorrow is a trait of humans. 


If you are saddened by another’s sorrow, then sorrow will never come to you. If you are happy at another’s joy, then joy will never leave you. 


Seeing that every relative joy is also a misery is a sign of dispassion. And seeing both joy and sorrow as just a technique is a sign of the wise. 


To consider sorrow mere illusion is divinity. Transcending joy and sorrow and being established in the Self is perfection.


As the late Swami Sharanananda said, “Pray for the strength to serve in joy and to sacrifice in sorrow.”

Reason for war

 

The worst act of reason is war. Every war has a reason, and the reason justifies the war.


Those who engage in war reason it out. But reason is limited. As reason changes, the justification falls apart. All the reasons for every war appear to be justifiable to some limited minds and for a limited time. Hence, war becomes inevitable on this planet.


Only human beings wage war. No other species in creation engages in war or mass destruction, as they have no reason to do so. Animals take their prey and let everything else just be. But mankind, from time immemorial, has engaged in war because man bases his actions on reason.


Man gives a reason to every act of his and justifies it. But as reasons change, his justifications fall apart. Man must transcend reason – only then can he realize Divinity and will not engage in war. Only when people become sensible, rise above hatred and have heightened consciousness, can war be stopped.


The act which is only destructive and inflicts suffering on both oneself and others is terrorism. In such an act human values are lost in the process of achieving a goal.


Some of the factors that lead to terrorism are frustration and desperation in achieving a goal, impulsive action, shortsightedness and confused emotions. Terrorism can also stem from having a non-verifiable concept of heaven and merit, and a childish concept of God where God favors some and is angry with others, undermining the Divine’s omniscience and omnipotence. 


Terrorism induces a psychosis of fear in everyone, and it increases poverty, suffering, and loss of life with no apparent gain. Instead of life-supporting solutions, the terrorist chooses destruction as an answer. If you criticize without giving a solution, know that it comes from the seed of terrorism. 


Although there are certain qualities you can appreciate in a terrorist such as fearlessness, commitment to a goal and sacrifice, you must learn from them things that you should never do – valuing ideas and concepts more than life, having a narrow perspective of life and dishonoring life’s diversity. The remedy for terrorism is to:

  • Inculcate a broader perspective of life. 
  • Value life more than race, religion and nationality. 
  • Provide education in human values – friendliness, compassion, cooperation and upliftment. 
  • Teach methods to release stress and tension. 
  • Cultivate confidence in achieving noble aims by peaceful and nonviolent means.

Weed      out      destructive      tendencies      with      spiritual upliftment. 


Terrorism can be more than physical violence, such as cultural or economic terrorism. The solution for economic violence is to “Think globally, buy locally,” and the solution for cultural violence is to “Broaden your vision, deepen your roots.”


How does one cope with the aftermath of terrorism? With faith and prayer. When disaster happens, anger is inevitable. Take precautions that you do not react improperly. Wisdom is needed and not emotional outbursts. One mistake cannot be corrected by another mistake. Strive to foster multicultural and multi-religious education and spiritual upliftment in every part of the globe, for the world will not be safe if even a small pocket of people are left in ignorance.


Violence and nonviolence do not depend on an act but on the intention behind it. The basis of violence is anger, lust, hatred, jealousy, greed, frustration and aggression. 


A surgeon cuts open a person’s belly; so does a criminal. The action is similar but the surgeon’s intention is to save life and the criminal’s is to destroy it. Violence or non-violence is determined by the attitude and not by the act. 


Even a war can be non-violent if it is devoid of anger, hatred, jealousy, or greed and if its intent is to educate those who cannot be educated in any other way. Even charity can be an act of violence if it takes away self-esteem and inflicts slavery. A war can be an act of compassion if it helps to establish the right perspective.