Your fame, honour and virtue can be your limitations

 

Nobody expects a good person to make a mistake. So, the better you are as a person, the higher the expectations people have of you. It is then that you lose your freedom. Your virtues and good actions are like a golden cage. You are trapped by your own good actions, for everyone expects more from a good person. Nobody expects anything from a bad person. Honour reduces the freedom. Your fame, honour and virtue can limit your freedom.

Most of the people are stuck in this cage of prestige and honor. They cannot smile. They are constantly worried about keeping up their prestige and their honor. It becomes more important than their own lives. Just being good or doing good to keep the prestige and honor is worthless. Prestige and honor can bring more misery in life than poverty.

Many desire fame, but little do they know that they are looking for a cage. It is an art to be dignified, yet not suffocated by it. Only the wise would know this. For the wise, it is natural to be in honor, and he is not concerned even if it falls apart. Despite having fame or prestige, he will live as though he has none. A wise person can handle any fame without feeling suffocated, for he is crazy too!

In any situation, you give your 100% and then that’s it! If people expect more from you, say, “I am so sorry, I can’t do this.” If you are not a doctor and somebody expects you to treat them, what would you do? Will you give them an injection just to satisfy them? No! You have to honestly tell them, “My dear, I am sorry,” and they will understand that. You give your 100% and that is how you manage others' expectations.

Now, you expect others to do something for you. Well, if they don’t do it, don’t become miserable. Have compassion and see that this is the limit of their capacity. They have not learned the art of expression. Don’t expect someone to say, “Thank you,” and all nice things. Suppose they don’t thank you, have compassion on them that they haven’t been trained or cultured that way. You simply have to see beyond an event or incident.

Take it to a bigger scale and you will see that, in this world, the behavior of people is the outcome of their upbringing, their education and their environment. If they lack these three things, it shows in their behavior. So, instead of blaming them, feel sorry for them – they didn’t get the education that you got. They haven’t developed the same type of sensitivity that you have. You are sensitive to others demands; they aren’t. Suppose someone does something for you, you express your gratefulness and thank them. If they don’t reciprocate, you simply have to attribute it to their lack of education and culture rather than blaming them. If you blame them, you feel bitter, but if you attribute it to lack of culture or education, you are at peace!

Dealing with imperfections in life - the yogi's way

“When a yogi sleeps, everybody is awake. And when everyone is sleeping, a yogi is awake;” this is what Lord Krishna says in Gita. What does it mean? It simply means that, when everyone is excited and worried, the yogi sleeps comfortably. The yogi knows that everything will happen for the best and all happenings will be for the general good. A yogi has this confidence. And when everyone else is sleeping, the yogi is awake, the yogi is aware of the truth about life, when everyone is asleep.

“What is my end going to be? Where will I go? What is life? Who am I?’ When none of these questions arise in people’s mind, they are asleep.

People are lost in watching movies and playing video games. There are people who are playing video games even at a very old age. Man isn’t seeing that death is near. He does not think, “I have filled my mind with so much craving and aversion. And I have done nothing to wash or cleanse my mind.” If you don’t cleanse your mind of impressions, then you carry the same mind and same impressions with you after death.

When you die, your mind should be happy and joyful! One who is sleeping, he is taking all the garbage into his mind whilst the yogi is alert and awake. He does not take any garbage from anybody.

Your mind is completely destroyed thinking about others imperfections. Leave others imperfections to others. Let them handle that. You handle your mind, you handle your imperfections; that is good enough. Do you have patience to accept others mistakes? You have to accept others mistakes. And only if you are so compassionate, can you correct them. Otherwise, leave it to nature, she has her own ways to set it right. But, if you are so compassionate and correct others mistakes with compassion, then it doesn’t get into your head, your mind.

When do you get angry or upset? – When you see someone else’s action as imperfect. Can you correct somebody’s action like this (meaning, when you are angry or upset)? His action is imperfect but now by thinking about it, your mind has become imperfect. At least, save your mind. Others have gone on the wrong path, why should you let your mind also dwell on the wrong path? That is why Krishna says, "the yogi is awake when others are sleeping". When you are sleeping, you let others garbage enter your mind. But yogis don’t let this happen. They keep their mind fresh.

The world is full of differences; arguments are inevitable. With forbearance, patience and wisdom, skillfully make your way up. Fools will make you wiser. The number of fools around you indicates the strength of your centeredness. Don’t try to get rid of them! If you lose your center, you will have no patience to put up with them. When you are established in the Self, you find that even fools will come up with wisdom; they are your own reflection, there is no ‘other’.

The power of true prayer

 

Often people say behind every successful man is a woman. But I say behind every success, there is the Divine saying “I am behind you”. And Divine dawns in you when you pray and cry for it. You don’t need any special qualifications or abilities to pray. Whether you are wise person or not, whether you are rich or poor, you can pray.

Prayer is a vital tool to improve your life. When you feel the obstacle is too much to handle, deep prayer can work miracles. What you can do, you do. What you cannot do, you pray for it! Whatever you do, know that the higher power has the final say and you can tap that power through your prayers.

Prayer doesn’t mean just sitting and chanting some words. It’s about being in that serene, calm and meditative state. That is why, in the Vedic tradition, before prayer comes dhyana (meditation) and there is dhyana after prayer. When the mind is focused, the prayer becomes far more powerful. 

To whom you pray is not important. Whereas religion puts words to the prayer, and adds symbols and rituals to it, the prayer itself transcends them. Prayer happens in subtle level of feelings and the feelings transcend words and religion. The act of praying itself has the power to bring transformation. 

Be sincere in your prayers. Do not try to outsmart the Divine. Usually, you give the time that is leftover; when you have nothing else to do, no guests to attend to, no parties to attend to, you go to the Divine. This is not quality time. Don’t be in a hurry to get what you seek from the Divine. When your intention is to get a boon from God, you are in a hurry. But when you know your own God, you are not in a hurry to get something out of God. You hurry to get something that throws you off balance and makes you small. 

True prayer, however, is just the opposite of wanting to possess. It’s about honouring and offering everything to the Divine. Honouring brings devotion and it leads to surrender. Devotion brings a healing touch to life. Devotion and faith together are the central core of prayer. A true prayer can’t happen without devotion and faith. Having faith is to realise that God’s protection is there for you. Devotion is an inner flowering. Unless you are lit in devotion to the Divine, your life will remain restless. In devotion, longing will arise in you. And when there is longing, true prayer happens by itself.

Dealing with expectations through meditation

 

Meditation helps with uprooting the disturbance or disappointment caused by unfulfilled expectations. When you meditate without any attempt to control your mind, you will sooner or later arrive at the conviction that thoughts, feelings and body sensations are arising and disappearing all by themselves without any volition on your part. Your response to those phenomena is also not directly in your control.

For example, in meditation, on some days the mind will drift in a daydream for many minutes without you being aware, whereas other days, you are aware very soon that you are daydreaming. Sometimes, you may be annoyed by your thoughts, but on other days you spontaneously accept them or are even amused by them.

Meditation also helps us to ‘let go’ of expectations, by allowing the mind to rest more and more in the present moment. By opening the mind to being more aware through regular meditation, we become more and more fulfilled and calm in the moment. The mind gains the ability to spontaneously accept people and situations as they are. Consequently, regular meditation will, over time result in fewer expectations and less disturbance and disappointment over unfulfilled expectations.

Recognising the effect of expectations in life

Expectations are a part of life, expectations are natural. But, when they come up, you should simply become aware that by expecting, you are only reducing joy in your life. When you grow in wisdom, you will see that all these impressions drop of and give way to something bigger and something more beautiful. We simply need to know that surprises give us more joy. You give your 100 percent, do whatever you can, and if somebody expects more, it is their problem, not yours.

When people don’t live up to your expectations, you get frustrated, and you blame or curse them. By cursing, you lose your spiritual energy. When you bless, your energy goes up. Your own experience tells you time and time again that expectations reduce your enjoyment of life. Yet, most of us do not even realize; having too many expectations about everything, could be a reason for not being naturally happy. Expectation is just our imagination about how things might be. It prevents the mind from being fully with what is happening in the moment and thus, reduces the joy that is inherent in the present moment.

Clearly, expectations are not something we can or should avoid. They are just like all other thoughts; they arise and pass away on their own. Simply observing expectations with the knowledge that they reduce enjoyment in life is enough to avoid getting caught up into it. Unfulfilled expectations are a major source of disturbance. Many of us need an understanding of our mind and of life itself before we can let go of expectations. This understanding can be gained through wisdom and meditation.

Say, you are attending a group meditation session and a phone rings. Phones continue to ring several more times during the session. One possible response is that you let go of your expectation that people obey the instruction to turn their phones of and accept the ringing phones. Alternatively, you may be unable to accept and may feel that the phone owners are lacking in awareness and inconsiderate. Consequently, your mind will be simmering with irritation during your meditation.

Now, an equally loud noise could happen by dogs barking, rain, thunder or traffic. The reason you would not be annoyed about the noise generated by these phenomena is that you would accept them as part of nature, as spontaneous happenings. On the other hand, with the phones, you feel that the situation could have been avoided if people had behaved as they should. The feeling that the situation could have been different is at the core of your disturbance. Recognise that the problem is not in the situation but your reaction to it!

Connection between Buddha, sangha and dharma

 

The Buddha or master is a doorway. When you are out in the street in hot sun or if you are stuck in rain and thunder, you feel the need for a shelter or a doorway. Have you noticed that then the doorway is so inviting and charming? It is more joyful than anything else in the world. 

Similarly, the closer you go to the master, the more charm, more newness and more love you feel. Nothing in the world could give that peace, joy and pleasure. You will never be tired of the enlightened one. It’s like a depth without a bottom. This is a sign that you have come to the master.

Once you come to the doorway and enter the door, the world looks so much more beautiful; it is a place filled with love, joy, co-operation, compassion and all virtues. Looking through the doorway there is no fear. From inside your home, you can look at the thunder, you can look at the storm and the bright sun too; yet be relaxed as you are in the shelter. Such a sense of security, fullness and joy comes. That is the purpose of having a master.

The second factor is sangha, the group. The group is very charming from a distance, but the closer you get, it brings out all the unwanted elements from within you. If you think a group is very good or very bad then that means you are not yet completely with the group. When you are totally part of that group, you will find that some bickering will come up. But you are the one who makes the group – so if you are good, your group will also be good. 

Sangha has a reverse nature to Buddha. Buddha makes your mind one-pointed; sangha, because it is of so many people, can scatter your mind, fragment it. Once you are used to it, it loses its charm. This is the nature of sangha. 

Still it is very supportive. If it were repulsive all the time, then nobody would be part of the sangha. Do not crave or be averse. Often you crave for Buddha and are averse to the sangha, and you try to change; but by changing sangha or Buddha, you are not going to change.

The main purpose is to come to the centre deep within you, which means to find your dharma. This is the third factor. What is dharma? Dharma is to be in the middle. Not going to the extremes is your nature. 

Your nature is to be in balance, to smile from the depth of your heart, to accept this entire existence totally as it is. Knowing that this moment is what has been offered to me, and that is how I take it. A sense of deep acceptance for this moment, for every moment, is dharma.

Make your anger expensive

 

Every sincere seeker wants to get rid of anger and reach a state of perfection, but is often swept by his or her emotions. What can you do when anger rises in you? You may remind yourself a hundred times that you shouldn’t get angry, but when it comes, you are unable to control it. Emotions are much more powerful than your thoughts and the promises you make.

Anger is a distortion of our true nature. We call it a distortion because it doesn’t allow the self to shine forth fully. And this is what sin is. Anger is a sin because when you are angry, you lose your centeredness; your focus is not on the infinite. You are limiting yourself to the small mind to an action which has happened. Sin is just the wrinkle in the cloth. It needs proper ironing. Anger is a sign of weakness and a weak person can get angry very fast.

Often anger comes because you don’t accept the present moment and get stuck in the past. Have you ever observed that all your anger is about something which has already happened. Is it of any use getting angry about something which has passed and you cannot alter? No, it is meaningless. Anger comes when one seeks too much of perfection; that is why you are angry at imperfections. Keep a space of imperfections in your life. If you leave some holes of imperfection, then you will see that your ability to hold anger becomes much greater.

The cause of anger is the lack of total knowledge of what is happening inside that person. Even when someone commits a mistake, know that he or she is not the culprit; the stress inside is causing him or her to make that mistake. Showing anger itself is not wrong, but being unaware of your anger hurts you. There is a place for showing anger, but when you get angry without awareness, what happens to you? You are shaken completely. Look at the consequences of getting angry.

Spiritual practices help you maintain your centeredness and not be shaken by small events. This is where a little knowledge about us, about our mind, our consciousness, and the root of distortion in our nature will help. Our breath has a great lesson to teach us, which we have forgotten. Breathing techniques and meditation are very effective in calming the mind.

Usually, you give your anger freely and your smile rarely as though a smile is expensive. In ignorance, anger is cheap and a smile is costly. In knowledge, a smile is free like the sunshine and air while anger is extremely expensive, like a diamond. Make your smile cheaper and anger expensive.

Life lessons from Holi

 

When sacredness is attached to a celebration, it becomes total, complete. It’s not just the body and mind but the spirit also celebrates. Then celebration dawns spontaneously and life becomes a vibrant fountain of colors. The sacred festival of Holi is not just about outward celebration but also inner wisdom that we must pay attention to. When you are in knowledge, then all the colors in your life coexist peacefully. Harmony in diversity makes life vibrant, joyful and more colorful.

One of the messages of Holi is: make friends even with the enemy. Let there be no enemy. Why is an enemy born? When we have animosity within us, then an enemy is born. If we have no animosity left in us, then we would have no enemies either. We shouldn’t mind if someone else considers us as an enemy but we shouldn’t exude any animosity from our side.

Life should be full of colours! And each colour is meant to be seen and enjoyed separately. All colors emanate from white, and when mixed again, they become black. Similarly, in life, different roles played by us should exist peacefully and distinctly inside us. For example, when a father continues to play his role of a ‘father’ in office, things are bound to go for a toss. When your mind is white and consciousness pure, peaceful, happy and meditative, varied, colors and roles emerge. We get the strength to play various roles with full sincerity against the background. All we need to do is - dip into our consciousness time and again. Between all the roles, we have to take deep rests, in order to play each role sincerely.

Be aware of your desires. The only way out is to focus attention on the desire and surrender it. This act of focusing awareness or sight on desire or Kama is called ‘Kamakshi’. With awareness, desire loses its grip on our mind and surrender happens and then nectar flows out from within. If you look at the picture of the goddess, Kamakshi, holds a sugarcane stem in one hand and a flower in the other. The sugar-cane stem is so hard and has to be squeezed in order to obtain sweetness, while the flower is soft and collecting nectar from it is so easy. This truly represents life, which indeed has a little of both! It is far easier to obtain this bliss from the inside than it is to try to extract pleasure from the outside world – which needs a lot more effort.

Become a witness to what's happening in your mind. Nature has all colors and so does your mind. You feel happy, unhappy, angry, jealous, compassionate, generous…all these colors of emotions come up in you. The mind is not the same all the time. But when you know you are not that, you are not these colors, moods then you can truly enjoy these colors. You become a witness to all the mind games that go on inside of you. What troubles you most in life is not someone else but your own mind. When you identify yourself with those emotions, you think that is you, then you are in trouble. Meditation is the way to move into this witness state.

This itself is the message of Holi - go hug and color everyone, bow down with respect and radiate love. On this occasion of Holi, spread the colors of love everywhere making life buoyant and colorful.

Wishing everyone "Happy Holi"!

Developing a good relationship

 

Let love be. Don’t give it a name. Ask yourself why do you love someone? Is it because of some of their qualities or is it because of a sense of kinship or intimacy? You can love someone for their qualities and not feel a sense of kinship. This type of love gives rise to competition and jealousy. Such is not the case when love arises out of kinship.

If you love someone for their qualities, then, when the quality changes or you get used to the quality, love also changes. The relationship can either act as a strength or as a weakness depending on the mind. If the mind is strong then relationships can be a gift to us but if it is weak and not in control, then relationships can feel like bondage.

How would you like to see yourself? Happy and bubbling with enthusiasm or dull and difficult to please? Often you like to be pleased, appeased and cajoled. So, you put up a tough, upset face and act difficult to please. If a person has to appease and please ten people all the time, it will be so tiring. People who keep a long face and expect others to cajole and appease them make others run away.

Lovers often do this. They expend a lot of energy in cajoling and this brings down the joy and celebration of the moment. It is okay for you to show your upset mood or tendency once in a while, but doing it over and over again is taxing for you and people you love.

Relationships develop naturally. If you try to build a relationship that is when you become a little artificial. Then your behaviour becomes artificial which is not natural. You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you. That is exactly what others also want from you. Don’t try hard to impress your boss, or impress your girl friend or boy friend. Then everything goes bad. Best is to be yourself, to be natural, to be forgiving and to be in the present moment. It makes a big difference. Be very subtle.

The strength of meditation

 

Meditation makes you active, not reactive. Meditation doesn’t take away your dynamism, nor does it make you complacent. It keeps you on the right path. 

Calm & steady action will help you achieve what you want to, not aggressive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour is a sign of weakness. 

Weakness doesn’t allow you to achieve something great. Calm and steady mind is a sign of strength. Only with strength you can achieve anything.

Need for cooperation to make the world a better place

 

A peaceful society is the basis of a prosperous society, and I am happy that world leaders are placing a great deal of importance on recognising and addressing these issues. The theme of this year’s WEF ‘Cooperation in a fragmented world’ resonates with the vision of The Art of Living which started 42 years ago to unite people through a regeneration of human and spiritual values.

Conflict, division and chaos have to be countered with commitment, caring and collective resolve. This can happen only when leaders cultivate the mind to be calm and take considered decisions. We all need to recognise that we live in an interconnected world. There is no substitute for cooperation for the general good of the world.