Renounce your way to true love

 

Only who has renounced can love. To the degree you have renounced, to that degree will you have the ability to love. Often people think those who renounce cannot love, and those who love cannot renounce. This is because renunciates do not seem to be in love, and so-called lovers are possessive and needy. 

True love is not possessive, it brings freedom, and renunciation is nothing but freedom. Only in freedom can love blossom fully. When you are in love you say, “I want nothing, I just want this”. Renunciation is, “I do not want anything. I am free”. In love there is no other need. Renunciation is having no need. Love and renunciation, although appearing to be opposites, are two sides of the same coin.

Does this mean the lover renounces his beloved? No, you renounce the attachment, the possessiveness. Renunciation doesn’t diminish love, it enhances it. Only renunciation can sustain love and joy. Without renunciation love turns into misery, possessiveness, jealousy and anger. Renunciation brings contentment and contentment sustains love.

Without renunciation one gets discontented, frustrated, sad, fearful, suspicious, analytical. And the whole soap opera begins. And this is what we find in society don’t we? So-called renunciates have run away from life frustrated and disappointed. Real renunciation is born out of knowledge and wisdom, knowledge of life in the background of time and space and in the context of this magnanimous universe. You have to rejoice in the means. You have to love the means. Love is the goal but the means must also be lovable. Love springs forth when there is no effort, when all activities are shunned.

Love is your nature. When love finds an expression, you often become ensnared get caught up in the object. Your sight is caught outside. To return to your nature, you need insight. 

Pain is the first insight. It takes you away from the object and turns you towards your body and mind. Energy is the second insight. A bolt of energy brings you back to your self. Divine love is the third insight. A glimpse of Divine love makes you complete and overrules all relative pleasures. Ecstasy is the fourth insight. An elevation of consciousness and partial awareness of the physical reality around you is ecstasy. Non-dual awareness, that everything is made up of one and only one, is the fifth insight.

Don't give love, a (bad) name

 

An example inspires and brings confidence in the application of knowledge, and the visible sign of it is an undying smile. The self knows neither sorrow nor death, yet within it flow all the relative events. It is easy to be detached when you are not in love. Being in utter love, and yet undisturbed, caring yet not worried, persistent yet not perturbed, are all the obvious signs of the self shining through. 

Let love be. Do not give it a name. When you give love a name it becomes a relationship, and relationships restrict love. There is love between you and me. Just let it be.

If you give love a name, such as brother, sister, mother, father, Guru - you are making it into a relationship. Relationship restricts love. What is your relationship to yourself? Are you your wife, brother, husband, Guru? Let love be. Do not give it a name. When love glows, it is bliss. When it flows, it is compassion. When it blows, it is anger. When it ferments, it is jealousy. When it is all 'no's', it is hatred. When it acts, it is perfection. When love knows, it is me. With whom do you feel really comfortable and at ease? You feel comfortable with someone who does not question your love, someone who takes for granted that you love them. 

If someone doubts your love and you constantly have to prove it, this becomes a heavy load on your head. They start questioning you and demanding explanations for all your actions. Explaining everything you do is a burden. Your nature is to shed the burden, so because you do not feel comfortable. When you question the reason behind an action, you are asking for justice for yourself and you create a distance. Your whole intention is to come close, but by asking for justice you create a distance. When someone asks for an explanation, they are speaking from doership and are imposing that doership on you. This brings discomfort. If someone is just there with you, a part of you, they do not question you. They are like your arm.

There is a closeness and unity that goes beyond all demands and questions. Neither demand an explanation nor give an explanation. You are the eternal witness. You are as much a witness to your own actions as you are to someone else’s actions.

Why does love appear to change?

 

Love is your very nature. What is your nature cannot change. But the expression of love changes. Because love is your nature, you cannot but love. A mother has total love for her child. Sometimes she feeds the child, sometimes she is strict with the child. "Come on, sit and write". She does this out of love, and these are all different modes of love. So the expression of love changes. But love itself does not change, because love is your nature.

When someone expresses love to you, what do you do?

-You do not know how to respond.

-You feel obliged and bound.

-You shrink or shy away.

-You feel foolish and awkward.

-You try to reciprocate even though it is not genuine.

-You doubt the love expressed and you doubt your own worthiness.

-You are afraid of losing respect because love does not allow

distance and respect tends to keep a distance.

-Your ego hardens and does not allow you to receive and

reciprocate.

The ability to receive genuine love comes with the ability to give love. The more you are centered and know by experience that you are love, the more you feel at home with any amount of love being expressed in any manner, for deep inside, you know love is not an emotion. It is your very existence. Joy is love for what is. Sorrow is love for what is not. 

You feel love for someone and they do not accept it. What do you do?

-Get frustrated.

-Turn the love into hatred and wish for revenge.

-Again and again remind them how much you love them and how

little they love you.

-Become fussy and cranky.

-Throw tantrums.

 -Feel humiliated and try to protect your respect.

-Resolve never to love again.

-Feel hurt and mistreated.

-Try to be aloof and indifferent.

But you have seen that none of these work; they only make the situation worse. What is the way out of this? How do you maintain your lovingness?

-Have patience and change your expression of love.

-Be centered and limit your expression of love. Sometimes

expressing too much love puts people off.

-Take it for granted that they love you too and just accept their style of expression. Like a mother with three kids - no one child talks, one child does not talk, one child throws tantrums - her love for each child is constant regardless of their behaviour.

-Genuinely acknowledge whatever love they have for you. This will turn your demand into gratefulness and the more grateful you are in life, the more love comes your way.

-Know that hurt is part of love and take responsibility for it. Realize that when you move away from your center, you will get hurt and the nature of worldliness is misery.

Love the unchanging in another

 

If love is based on the qualities of a person, that love is not stable. After some time, the qualities change and the love becomes shaky. Loving someone because of their greatness or uniqueness is third rate love. Loving someone because they belong to you, great or otherwise, is unconditional love. Knowledge, along with sadhana, seva and satsang, spiritual practice, service, and coming together in celebration help to bring about a sense of belonging. 

When love springs from a sense of belongingness, then the actions and qualities do not overshadow the love. Neither qualities nor actions can be perfect all the time. Only love and a feeling of kinship can be perfect.

When you love someone you see nothing wrong with them. Even if you see a fault in them you justify it in some way “Everyone does that, it is normal”. You think you have not done enough for them and the more you do, the more you want to do for them. 

They are always in your mind. Ordinary things become extraordinary. A baby winking at its grandmother becomes an extraordinary event. You want them to be yours exclusively. You get hurt even over small things. When you love someone, you want to see them always happy and you want them to have the best. You wish someone what they don’t have, right? 

Now, I tell you, now is the best. If you realise this, tomorrow can only be here are some who long for change. Feeling that every thing is stagnant in their lives, they want to change partners, careers, dwellings. There are some who are afraid of change. They feel security in the way they are. There are some who see change, but do not acknowledge it out of fear. 

There are some who do not notice change at all. There are others who do not think there is anything to change. There are some who realise that everything is changing yet see there is something that is non-changing. Those who recognize the non-changing amidst the change are the wisest of all.

Love - out of a sense of kinship

 

I chant the name of my beloved in every breath. The beloved is faultless, perfect. But being in love I have lost my reputation. 

When there is so much love, you take total responsibility for any misunderstanding. For a moment you may express dismay on the surface. But when you do not feel that dismay in your heart, you arrive at a perfect understanding. You are in a state where all problems and all differences slide away and only love shines through. Usually we are stuck in our differences because we have lost sight of ourselves. In the name of love we try to manipulate and control the other person. It is natural that when we love someone, we want them to be perfect.

You can never see the holes in the ground from the top of a hill. From an airplane the earth looks so smooth. So also from a state of elevated consciousness, you do not see the pitfalls in others. But if you come to the ground you always see the holes. When you want to fill the holes, you have to see them. You cannot build a home being airborne. You cannot till the land without looking at the holes, filling them, removing the pebbles. 

That is why when you love someone, you find faults in them. But finding faults destroys love and instead of helping to fill the holes, we run away. When you love someone and see their faults, stay with them and help them fill the holes. This is wisdom. 

Why do you love someone? Is it because of their qualities or because of a sense of kinship or intimacy? You can love someone for their qualities and not feel a sense of kinship. This type of love gives rise to competition and jealousy. Such is not the case when love arises out of kinship. If you love someone for their qualities, when the qualities change or you get accustomed to their qualities, your love also changes. However, if you love someone out of kinship, because they belong to you, then that love remains for lifetimes.

People say, “I love God because He is great”. What if God is found to be ordinary, just one of us? Then your love and God would collapse. If you love God because He is yours, then however God is, whether He creates or destroys, you still love Him. The love of kinship is like love for yourself.

Why does it seem that so many people have no love for themselves? No. It is just the opposite. They love themselves so much that they want better qualities and a better appearance for themselves. This love of qualities makes them hard on themselves.

Mercy is an impediment

 

Mercy indicates lack of intimacy, a distance, a lack of belonging. You do not have mercy on your loved ones. You do not hear parents say, “I have mercy on my children”. 

You have mercy on those whom you think are not yours. Mercy indicates anger, judgment and authority. When you ask for mercy, you are self-centered. You want to be excused from the law of cause and effect. It indicates lack of courage and valor. 

At times, mercy is an impediment to growth. Mercy, of course, brings some comfort and relief, but it can impair transformation. If the leaves were to ask for mercy from falling, they would not be transformed and then what would happen to the tree?

Two of our devotees, high on bliss, did not stop at a stop sign, so the police mercilessly gave them a ticket. Victoria said, “Thank you,” but the policewoman told her to go to court and beg for mercy. You only ask for mercy if you think that God is angry and judging you. This is the small mind superimposing its nature on the Divine mind. The Divine is all knowing and all loving, there is no chance for mercy. When you know and trust the process of creation, you will simply rejoice. Do you know I have no mercy? When there is intimacy, there is no place for mercy.

Eliminating the seeds of karma

 

Some karma can be changed, and some cannot. When you prepare a dessert, if sugar or ghee is too little, you can add more. If some other ingredient is too much, it can all be adjusted and repaired. But once it is cooked, it cannot be reversed. Milk can become sweet yogurt or sour yogurt, and sour yogurt can be sweetened. But neither can be reversed back to milk.

Sanchita karma can be changed and adjusted by spiritual practices. Prarabdha karma cannot be changed. And satsang burns the seed of all negative karmas before they are given a chance to sprout. Strange are the ways of karma. The more you understand it, the more amazed you become. Karma brings people together and separates them. It causes some to be weak and some to be strong. It makes some rich and some poor.

All the struggles in the world, whatever they may be, are the bondage of karma. It cuts across all logic and reasoning. This understanding lifts you and keeps you from getting stuck in events or personalities and helps you in your journey to the self.

So, can a thief say it is my karma to steal? Yes, and then the police have the karma to catch him, too. Only human life has the ability to be free from karma and only a few thousand aim to be free from it. Performing actions cannot eliminate karma. Only through grace can the bondage of karma be burnt.

Two types of compassion

Compassion can be of 2 types. One is the compassion of the wise, one is that of the ignorant. An ignorant person’s compassion is toward the fruit of an action to alleviate the sickness or suffering that he witnesses. But a wise person’s compassion is toward the lack of knowledge to remedy the underlying reason for sickness or suffering. Compassion for suffering shows ignorance. 

Suffering comes because of karma and if you believe in karma, where is compassion? You reap the fruit of your actions. If a judge has compassion for offenders, then the jails will be empty. But are judges cruel to offenders? No. The judge’s compassion is for the lack of knowledge he sees, not for the suffering of the criminals. It is the criminals’ karma.

Often people think compassion is an act, an action. Know that compassion is your very nature. Then you will see that karma and compassion are not contradictory but rather complement one another. Suppose two people come to a hospital. One is suffering from starvation, the other is ill from overeating. What type of compassion should the doctor have toward each of them? This is a riddle for you to solve.

Combine sensitivity with strength

 

Those who are sensitive often feel weak. Those who think themselves strong are often insensitive. Some are sensitive to themselves but insensitive to others. Some are sensitive to others but not to themselves. Those who are sensitive only to themselves often blame others. Those who are only sensitive to others often end up feeling self-pity. Some conclude it is better not to be sensitive at all because sensitivity brings pain, so they shut themselves off from others. But if you are not sensitive, you will lose all the finer things too like, intuition, beauty, and ecstasy of love.

This path and this knowledge make you both sensitive and strong. Often people who are insensitive do not recognize their insensitivity. And those who are sensitive often do not recognize sensitivity is their strength.

Sensitivity is intuition, sensitivity is compassion, sensitivity is love. Sensitivity is real strength. Strength is calmness, endurance, silence, non-reactiveness, confidence, faith and a smile. Be both sensitive and strong.

Virtues are already present in you

 

Virtues cannot be cultivated. You must assume that they are there. In the Bhagvad Gita, Krishna said to Arjuna, “Grieve not Arjuna, you are born with virtues. “The seeker should remember that he is born with virtues, otherwise he would not be a seeker. If you think you have no virtues and then try to cultivate them, you will fail. 

When you think you do not have a virtue, then you come from a space of lack or deficiency. You compare yourself with others on the basis of virtues. Do not compare yourself with anyone. Simply recognize all the virtues you appreciate in others and realize that those virtues are present in you in seed form. You only have to nurture them.

Virtues must be practiced until they become your nature. Friendliness, compassion and meditation should continue as practices until you realize that they are your very nature. The flaw in doing something as an act is that you look for a result. When something is done as your nature, you are not attached to the result and you simply do it. An action that arises from your nature is neither tiring nor frustrating. 

Daily routines like brushing your teeth or bathing are not even considered actions because they are so integrated into your life. You do all this without doership. When seva is made part of your nature, it happens without doership. Wise men continue their practices just to set an example, even though for them there is no need for any practices.

Need to feel indebted

 

God is all abundant, all full and we are connected to God. Then why are people in debt? Why do some have while some do not? Is it only money you lack? When you say you are indebted, that means you have received something.

Otherwise, how can you be indebted? Those who have received should feel indebted. Be thankful for having received. The more abundance you have, the more indebted you will feel. And when you feel indebted and grateful, more abundance comes to you.

Feel indebted. Feel grateful. Then abundance grows. Abundance and indebtedness coexist. You think you are indebted, but really you are not. Yet it is better to feel totally indebted, because every bit of what you have, including your body, does not belong to you. When you are infinitely indebted for your body, for knowledge, for things you have received, and for your own life, then you bask in the abundance of the Creator.

Transcending gratefulness

 

Which is better, to thank deeply or superficially? Everyone will say in unison, deeply. No, it is superficially!

Thanking needs a separation. Thanking means there are two. If you are deeply thankful, it means you deeply feel the separation. Deep within there is no need to thank because there is oneness. But you can thank superficially. Thanks are like ripples on the surface of water. When you say “thank you”, you complete something. You are finishing a transaction, a relationship, a process. “Thank you” is like “goodbye”.

You can complete all transactions at a surface level, but deeper inside there is only oneness. Thankfulness always exists in relation to something else. You do not thank for nothing at all, you thank for something. But in this case, something is less than nothing. At the deepest level, thanking has no meaning. Does one hand thank the other hand? The deeper you go, you see there is no “other” to be thanked.

Feeling is also superficial. If you think the feeling is the depth, then you have not gone deep. Feeling is deeper than thinking. But feelings change. Whatever is the deepest doesn’t change. So thank superficially, not from the depth. Deep thanks indicate deep separation. Today is a gift from God, that is why it is called the present. Are you grateful? If you are grateful, you do not belong to God. When someone gives you something, you are grateful, that means you feel separate. 

You do not feel grateful to yourself. Gratefulness means you do not feel part of the Master. When you go beyond gratefulness, then union happens. No. “I” no “you” remains. You are part of the Master. You are just one being with a thousand heads and a thousand arms, but with one heart. Gratefulness is inevitable. You have got to be grateful on the path, but you have to transcend gratefulness. Better stop being grateful.

You are not grateful to your own hand that feeds you. It is better to stop being grateful. When you are grateful then you become the centre of attention, you feel more important. When you are grateful to God for having received something beautiful, for example, eyesight, who is important? You or God? You. Your gratitude indicates ego.

Don’t be grateful just be great and be full. This knowledge could be dangerous without devotion.

How appreciation can lead to separateness

 

When do you appreciate someone? Don’t you appreciate them when they do something that is unusual, not ordinary, something that is not their nature? When a wicked person fails to cause problems, you appreciate them. Or when someone you think is not good performs a good deed, you appreciate them. When a good person does something extraordinary, you appreciate them. If a child makes you a cup of tea, you appreciate it, but if a mother made the same cup of tea, you are less likely to appreciate it because it is a normal act for her.

In the same way, you appreciate getting a ride from someone you do not know, but you may not appreciate it from a bus driver. In all these cases, the acts you praise are temporary, out of character, or not in the nature of that person. So when you appreciate someone for something, you imply that it is not the way they usually are.

Now, what hat if a person wants to be appreciated? That means that the act is not in their nature, and that is why they want to be appreciated. If it is not coming from their nature, it is an imposed act. So when you appreciate someone you imply that it is not their nature, that it is not the way they usually are. It is a rare act or quality. Appreciation implies a sense of separateness or distance, so watch out when you appreciate someone.