Handling your own ego

The “I” or ego in you is a tiny atom. If this atom is associated with the body, with matter, it identifies with matter. If this atom is associated with the being, the infinite, it identifies with the infinite self. When this atom, this ego, identifies with the material world, it becomes miserable. But when it is associated with the spirit, it becomes Divine. It becomes shakti, energy, when it is associated with the being, the Self.

It becomes miserable when identified with the body. In a huge atomic reactor, it is just one atom that is exploded. In the same way, in our whole body there is just one atom of “I”. And when this “I” explodes, it becomes the light of the self. Usually we say “I am miserable”, or “I’m happy”. Shift this atom of ego from identifying with the body and the conceptual world, to identifying with the real world.

When you think well of yourself, in a very subtle way, you think badly about others. Then anger, jealousy and hatred follow. When you think badly about yourself, you feel low and again you become angry and you hate others. When you think well of yourself , you are in trouble and when you think badly of yourself, you are in greater trouble. So, drop your self-image. When is there ego?

1. When you don’t get attention.

2. When you seem to be losing attention.

3. When you get attention.

Ego causes heaviness, discomfort, fear, anxiety. Ego does not let love flow. Ego is separateness, non-belongingness, wanting to prove and to possess. Ego can be transcended by knowing the truth, by inquiring “Who am I?” Often, you feel contempt or jealousy towards someone with ego. Instead you should have compassion. There is also a positive aspect of ego.

Ego drives you to do work. A person will do a job either out of joy, compassion or out of ego. Most of the work in society is done out of ego. But in satsangs, work is done out of love. Ego is separateness and non-belongingness. It desires to prove and to possess. When you wake up and see that there is nothing to be proven and nothing to possess, ego dissolves. 

Transcending sorrow

 

The only thing you must remember is how fortunate you are. When you forget this, you become sad. Sorrow indicates your attachment to your negative qualities as well as your attachment to your positive qualities. Your negative qualities make you sad. And when you think you are so great, you start blaming others, this also makes you become sad. The purpose of sorrow is to bring you back to the Self. And the Self is all joy. But this realization is possible only through knowledge - through awareness.

Knowledge or awareness leads sorrow towards the Self. Without knowledge, the same sorrow multiplies and does not get completed. Knowledge completes sorrow. Only with the power of knowledge do you transcend sorrow. In this path you have everything. You have this beautiful knowledge that has all flavours - wisdom, laughter, seva, silence, singing, dancing humour, celebrating, yagnas, caring, complaints, problems, complications - and chaos to add colour. Life is so colourful. 

It is only through merit that you can have faith. When you lack faith, there can be no happiness in either the inner or the outer world. Happiness springs from faith. Happiness is forgetting the body consciousness. Pain or sorrow is holding on to body consciousness. When you are happy, you do not feel the body and when you are miserable, you have aches and pains.

Often in guided meditation, one's attention is taken to various parts of the body. For an arrow to go forward, it must be pulled back. In the same way when you take attention to the various parts of the body, that process frees you from body consciousness.

If you are unhappy, check if any of these are lacking - tapas or penance, vairagya or dispassion, sharanagati or surrender. Tapas is agreeing with the moment, a total acceptance of pleasant or unpleasant situations. Vairagya means “I want nothing” and “I am nothing”. Sharanagati is "I am here for you, for your joy”.

If you are grumbling, it is because these are lacking in your life. When you accept your situation you cannot grumble, when you take it as tapas you will not grumble. When you come from a state of dispassion - “I do not want anything”, you do not grumble, and if you are surrendered you will have no complaints.

If you do not do it willingly, you will do it later out of desperation. First you will say, “Nothing can be done”. Then in anger and desperation you will say, “I give up, I want nothing, I have no choice, to hell with it”. All three of these - penance, dispassion and surrender, purify your mind and uplift you in joy.

There is no problem that cannot be solved. When you have a problem that you think cannot be solved, you have accepted it. Then it is no longer a problem, it is a fact. Suppose you think it is a problem that the ocean in Norway is too cold. Obviously, you cannot heat the ocean. So it cannot be changed, you accept it, and it is no longer a problem. Only when you are searching for a solution is there a problem. Thus there is no problem that cannot be solved.

The moment you realise there is no solution, a problem ceases to be a problem. The solution is the tail of every problem. Solutions comes to you when you are calm and collected, when you use intelligence, when you are not lethargic but active, and when you have strong faith in divine law.

Mind, memory, misery

 

Memory make you miserable or wise. Memory of experiences and events in the ever-changing world, however good or bad constrict the vastness of the Self. They bind you. Memory of your nature, the non-changing self, expands and elevates awareness. This liberates you. You are what you are because of your memory. If you are ignorant, it is because of your memory. If you are enlightened, it is because of your memory. Forgetfulness of the infinite is misery. Forgetfulness of the trivial is ecstasy.

Now, how do we get rid of unpleasant memories and limitations? Know the impermanent nature of the world and events. Realise that past events do not exist in the present. Accept the past and drop it. Be dispassionate and centred. Memory of the Self is gained in the company and service of the Enlightened. “So Hum” increases prana or “So What?”, if nothing works, go to God. When you are miserable, know that you have gone away from the self. This is called ashaucha, becoming unclean. 

In India when someone dies, the close relatives are said to be ashaucha for 10 days because they are very sad. They are impure because they have moved away from the self. After 10 days of just living through that experience and reading the Bhagavad Gita, being with the knowledge and pulling themselves back into the Self, they become shaucha. They have purged the impurities that arose during those events.

This happens again and again in life. You become ashaucha and then you must get back to shaucha. Go deeper into yourself; then real shaucha happens. Shaucha’s benefits are clarity in the intellect, a pleasing mind, focused awareness, control over the senses and thus eligibility to realize the Self. Shaucha is disinterest in the tendencies of your own senses. 

You have the understanding, “Oh yes, here is this old familiar tendency again. Come on, I have had this experience enough, and still my body craves for it again”. By being disinterested for a moment in one's own body and senses – just an idea, a sort of distaste, you will find that the situation changes. 

Why do people love each other so much, have such an intimate relationship, and then fight? Ashaucha has happened. If you do not have distaste for the tendency of the senses, then distaste for the object of the senses is bound to come and you will blame the person or object.

Your attraction or craving can exist only as long as you think someone is “other”. When you think they are a part of you or your self, then the attraction dies out. That is why a husband or a wife may not be attracted to their partner but to someone else, because their partner has already become a part of them. When you realize everyone is part of your Self, you enjoy the whole world without a sense of craving.

When ashaucha happens, quickly come back to shaucha. Suppose you feel drowned in any worldly event, just know this is ashaucha - know “that is why I am miserable”. Then come back to shaucha. Your spiritual practices, meditation, Sudarshan Kriya, seva (service), and Satsang will all help you. When you share your misery, it does not reduce. When you do not share your joy, it reduces. Share your problems only with the Divine, not with anyone else, as that will only increase the problems. Share your joy with everyone.

How do we help people who share their misery with us? I have a thousand and one ways. Often it happens that when they share their problem with me, it is immediately resolved. Other times it requires some patience. Just know that all will be taken care of. Listen to others, yet do not listen. If your mind gets stuck in their problems, not only are they miserable, but you also become miserable. Be caring and share with them the knowledge.

The mind lives on “more”. Misery starts with “more and more” and misery makes you dense and gross. The self is subtle. To go from gross to subtle, you must go through the finest level of the relative, the atom. To overcome aversion, hatred, jealousy, attraction or entanglements, you have to take yourself to the atom. Taking yourself to the atom means accepting a tiny bit of all of this. It may be difficult to accept something you do not like but you can definitely accept a tiny bit of an atom. 

The moment you accept that one atom, you will see change occur. But this must be done in a meditative state. Suppose you love someone. You want more and more of them, yet there is no fulfilment. In anuvrat, the vow of an atom, you take just one atom of that person and that is enough to bring fulfilment to you. Though the river is vast, a little sip quenches your thirst. Though the earth has so much food, just a small bite satisfies your hunger. All that you need are tiny bits. Accept a tiny bit of everything in life, that will bring you fulfilment.

Life is eternal

 

Death brings you in touch with the reality of life. Death creates a vacuum, a void and this void is fertile ground for the spirit to manifest. All talents, inventions and creativity spring forth from the void, creation has a tendency to return to the void. All places of worship in all religions are connected with places of burial or cremation because only the awareness of death can bring dispassion and can ground you in knowledge.

According to Indian mythology, Shiva abides in both Mount Kailasa and in smashana. Kailasa means 'where there is only celebration' and smashana is the cremation ground - 'where there is only void'. Divinity dwells in the void as well as in celebration. In you there is void, in you there is celebration. 

The realisation that life is very short brings dynamism in your life. Unwanted things will fall off as well as distractions. When you have to act or put an effort, know that life is short. When you realize life is short, procrastination falls away. When you are expecting a result, know that life is eternal. The ignorant person does it the other way - he hurries for the result and is impatient and frustrated. 

Impatience goes away when you know that life is eternal. When you are looking for a return of a favour or a result from your good deed, you want it quickly. But when you know that there are many lifetimes, you realize that if you don’t get it sooner, you get it later.

Wake up and see your life is too short. Time is running out, so what are you doing with your life? Is it being useful to you and the world around you? Realise life is too short. Wake up and see life is eternal. When you want to enjoy the fruit of action, know that life is eternal. When it comes to hope, you should know that there are many lifetimes. 

When you are looking for results, know that time is eternal. If someone doesn't thank you or takes advantage of you, thank them because they will pay you back later with interest. No one needs to feel sorry that they are unappreciated or have been taken advantage of. Know that you will have to be paid back in the future with interest. 

When it comes to enjoying the fruit of your actions, good deeds or even blessings, know that life is eternal. Anytime that you are in a hurry, you cannot enjoy. So, know that life is eternal.

Waking up from depression

 

Lack of idealism is the main cause of depression among young people today. Life appears to be so meaningless to these children, who are either too scared of the competitive world or bogged down by heavy stimuli. They need inspiration, and spirituality is that inspiration that can keep the spirit up.

Depression sets in if there is a lack of zeal to fight. Aggression is the antidote to depression. Depression is lack of energy. Anger and aggression are bolts of energy. When Arjuna was depressed, Krishna inspired him to fight and thus reinstated life back into him. 

If you are depressed, do not take Prozac - just fight for any cause. If aggression crosses a certain limit, it leads you back into depression. That is what happened when King Ashoka won the Kalinga War - he became depressed. He had to take refuge in Buddha. 

Wise are those who do not fall either into aggression or depression. That is the golden rule of a yogi. Just wake up and acknowledge you are a yogi.

Sound of non-violence needs to heard

 

Violence comes with noise while non-violence happens in silence. People who are violent make tremendous noise, they make their violence known, while people who are nonviolent are quiet. But the time has come for the nonviolent ones to make noise so that violence will quiet down. The message of non-violence must come loud and clear so that it can be heard at a young age.

A sense of shame has to be connected with anger and violence. The reason for violence in young people is a sense of pride in anger and violence, not a sense of shame. People feel proud that they are violent or angry. They think it is prestigious or a status symbol to be aggressive.

Aggression is not considered a quality to be ashamed of. This promotes aggression and violence in the whole society, and when aggression and violence are promoted, human values diminish. Some movies and modern music glorify frustration, anger, and revenge and make these a role model for children.

We need to promote human values loudly and clearly, especially love, compassion and a sense of belongingness. Speak to groups or through your local media in the newspaper and on TV and conduct as many Utkarsha Yoga and other Art of Living courses in your area as possible.

If people are ashamed to be angry, won't that keep them unnatural and set up resistance in them that will persist? If they are not ashamed, they will feel they have a license to get angry and violent. Sometimes resistance is a good thing, like resistance to disease or resistance to bad habits. Life is a war. Doctors fight against disease. Lawyers fight against injustice. Teachers fight against ignorance. Even your body is a battlefield. Depression happens when you lose the will to fight.

Arjuna was depressed, he did not want to fight. His bow fell from his hands and his fingers trembled but Krishna urged him to wake up and fight. The decision to fight can take away your depression.

Aggression vs. Assertiveness

 

Often people are soft from lack of courage and forcefulness. They suffer a lot, and at some time or other they become volatile. Yet there are some people who possess a softness that comes from maturity, magnanimity, and the knowledge of the self. 

Similarly, there are 2 types of forcefulness in people, aggressive and assertive. Aggressive people are forceful out of weakness or out of fear. Assertive people are forceful out of care, love, and compassion.

So look into yourself and become aware of what type of softness and what type of forcefulness is in you. Aggression and assertiveness overshadow intuition. Often people who are sensitive tend to become aggressive, in order to avoid being hurt and in this process, they lose sight of their fine intuition. Fine intuition needs sensitivity, but sensitivity is often painful. 

In order to avoid pain they become aggressive and assertive, and in turn they lose their intuitive ability. Intuition is close to the truth. Often aggression and assertiveness thrive on the idea of truthfulness, aggressive people are convinced of the rightness of their position. To be truthful, you do not need to be aggressive or assertive.

Finding comfort in conflict

 

When you are in a harmonious environment your mind picks up any excuse to be in conflict. Often, small things are enough to create a big turmoil. When your survival is at stake, you do not complain that nobody loves you. But when you are safe and feel secure, you start demanding attention. Many people create conflict in order to get attention. 

Ask yourself this question. Do you seek harmony in every situation or do you seek to widen the differences and prove your righteousness? 

The seed of negativity and the tendency for conflict in you can only be annihilated by sadhana, i.e. spiritual practices. Only speak knowledge. Do not repeat anything bad that someone tells you about someone else. When someone comes to tell you negative things, discourage them. Do not believe it. If someone blames you directly, do not believe it. Just know that they are taking away your bad karma and let it go. 

If you are one of the master’s close ones, you will take all the blame of the world with a smile. When you blame someone, you take on their bad karma, when you praise someone, you take on their good karma. Surrender both good and bad karma to the Divine – and be free. Conflict is the nature of the world, comfort is the nature of the Self. 

Amidst conflict, find the comfort. When you are tired of conflicts and the games of the world, get into the comforts of the Self. When you are bored with comfort, get into the games of the world. If you are one of the Master’s close ones, you do both simultaneously. People who love peace do not want to fight, and those who fight do not have peace. What is needed is to be peaceful within and then fight. 

Just trying to end a conflict only prolongs it. Instead, face the conflict while seeking the comfort of the Self. This is the whole message of the Bhagvad Gita. Krishna tells Arjuna to be centered in peace and to fight at the same time. 

God is alive in the world and has been putting up with all conflicts throughout the ages. If God can put up with all these conflicts, you can too. And the moment you agree to be with a conflict, it no longer appears as a conflict to you. The nature of this world is that once you resolve one conflict, another arises. For example, Russia is solved and then Bosnia is in trouble. Or you get a cold, then you get better, then your back hurts, then it gets better. And when your body is fine, then the mind goes. Things in this world run this way, don’t they? 

Without any intention, misunderstandings simply happen and conflicts arise. It’s not up to you to resolve them. Just be with them and be alive.

Resistance & persistance

 

Do you welcome all that comes to you or do you resist everything? If you cannot resist anything, you cannot welcome anything. You cannot resist everything and you cannot welcome everything. You do not welcome all thoughts that come to your mind. When you welcome a thought, it means you find it good and act on it. If you act on all thoughts that come to your mind, you will end up in a mental hospital or in prison.

So, you resist or ignore some thoughts and you welcome other thoughts. You need discrimination in life. Welcoming and resisting is a swing in life. Welcoming is essential for expansion and growth, and resistance is essential for maintenance.

But what you resist persists, isn’t it? If you resist a cold, it does not persist. If there is no resistance in your body, you cannot survive. Your body resists some things and welcomes other things. Where resistance is weak, persistence results. Weak resistance makes opposition persist. 

A strong resistance erases the opposition. Strong resistance leads to valour, power and samadhi, equanimity. It brings in you the strength of a warrior. Nothing can tempt you, nothing can obstruct you, and victory is gained without fighting. Where there is strong resistance or total welcome, victory is gained without any fighting.