Two ways of listening

 

Today what our world needs is not intelligence. There is enough intelligence in this country, in every country. What the world is missing is innocence. The value of innocence is being destroyed. And that innocence is egolessness, naturalness. 

Now what is happening? What is happening in your mind? Are you aware of yourself listening to me, following me? No. You simply went with me. Whatever concept I drew, you went with me. Or there was a tape going on simultaneously, "Yes, no, yes, no".

There was a debate happening within you. Are you aware of that? Do you see that? With this tape in your head, you know what you already know. You will agree with me on what you already know. You will say, "Yes, yes, yes, I agree". And to what you don't know you will say, "No, no, no how it could be?" So you are not listening to me then. Do you see that?

There are two categories - one is you are listening to me with a debate - "Yes, no, yes, no" - in which case you are listening to your own self. In the other case you are simply listening to everything I am saying. It is like listening to music. You just listen to music and forget about it. Do you see that?

Maintaining one's innocence on the path to enlightenment

 

Being in that state of consciousness, which allows knowledge to flow through, without actually knowing, that ability is within every one of us. All intuitions that arise in you arise from an area which you don't know. You cannot call it an intuition if you have already known it. As our intelligence grows, we tend to become crooked. Maintaining innocence in spite of intelligence, is wisdom, is enlightenment.

If our innocence is maintained in spite of intelligence, it has great value, naturalness. You have heard from many books and many people that ego is bad, ego is an obstruction to spiritual growth, ego is an obstruction to knowledge. Ego is nothing but being unnatural. Naturalness is being at home, feeling one, and feeling close to everyone. Distance is ego. Ego means I don't consider you as a part of me sol keep distance.

When I have to show off to you or have to behave a certain way, there is no cordiality there, no love, no connection. Then the ego comes into play. Being like a child, feeling at home, making everybody one's own, dropping all defenses and boundaries, destroying all the walls in between, that is being natural. You can call it being crazy, a little bit crazy. People may think you are a little crazy. It doesn't matter. You feel light, wonderful within you. Your mind is saved.

At any cost you need to save your mind. Just meditating, doing some practices, all these will not help unless you really want to save your mind. Guard the mind from the dust which flies in from the world.

If a person who has a lot of responsibility says, "I do nothing" that has great value. Someone who is very lazy says, "I do nothing", and it has no value. If someone who IS doing all the time and has great responsibility can say, "I do nothing", then that person’s consciousness has taken a shift. An important person being a celebrity has no value.

So an ignorant person being innocent has no value. When intelligence and innocence go together, a beauty dawns - very profound, very essential.

What "success" really means

 

There is so much talk about success. Have you ever thought what success is? Success is simply ignorance about one's capabilities. Success is ignorance about the power of the self, because you assume you can do only this much.  

If there are obstacles, you are clear about your objective. With a calm and serene mind, think of many possibilities. Know that failures are steppingstones for greater success. Actually, there are no failures in life. All the seeming failures are only steppingstones for greater success.  

If you feel the obstacle is too much, deep prayer can work miracles. The feeling that “I am blessed” can help you overcome any failure. Once you realise that you are blessed, then all the complaints disappear, all the grumbling disappears, all the insecurities disappear, a sense of not being loved disappears, wanting love disappears.  

Ego is always ambitious and wants to do tough jobs like climbing Mount Everest, whereas a simple act like watching a butterfly, watering one's garden, watching the birds or the sky can bring deep relaxation, and relaxation connects you with your source. Seemingly trivial actions open a new dimension and bring in immense peace and rest. Just come out of your little shell and feel free. 

There is a saying: “Behind every successful man is a woman.” I will modify this: Behind every success there is the Divine saying, “I am behind you.”

If you take care of your mind, all else will be taken care of

 

Look at your own life in the light of time. Millions of years have passed and millions will come. What is your life? 60, 70 or 100 years? Span of life is insignificant. It is not even a drop in the ocean.  

In terms of space, you simply don't exist. This understanding dissolves the ego. Ego is ignorance of your reality, ignorance of your existence.

Now, just to know this, do we have to do something else? Just open your eyes: Who am I? How am I on this planet? What is my lifetime? Awareness dawns in the mind and you will stop worrying about little things like, this person said this thing to me and that person broke away with me and this happened with that person and I am going to say this.  

All smallness will simply drop away, and you will be able to live every moment of your life. Your life reels around your context. You should be happy in life. All other business involves ups and downs which is very natural.  

If there is a body, then it will get cold, cough, fever or something else and it will go away. But take care to see that happiness is always established in you. That is known as purashaarth. Our love, faith and belief should be deep-rooted, then everything else moves on its own.  

How many events take place in life? Are you able to maintain your equanimity always? Not everything in the world is sweet. If you are grounded with faith, like the husk with grain, you will progress.  

Take this decision: Whatever happens I will be there. I will be grounded. God’s protection is there on me. Whatever happens, I will never go down. I always have God’s hand with me.  

Keep your mind in peace in all situations. The rest will be taken care of. You have to take at least one step forward, which is to be in peace and equanimity. Nothing happened. Nothing of my work happened. If you are able to laugh in such a situation, then understand that you have protection with you.  

The world is filled with love. Everybody has love inside them. You have to see that in your mind. Your head will be in the mud in a few years, don't put mud in your head while you are still alive. If you review the context of your life, the quality of your life will improve.

Knowledge is like a coconut tree

 

Knowledge must be digested properly, and an inability to do so causes: 

• False ego, which has no cure. 
• Disinterest, taking things for granted, lack of awareness. 
• Familiarity without understanding, without depth – shallowness. 
• A tendency to preach. “Heart” burn. 
• Using knowledge for one’s own small ends. 
• Adamancy, stubbornness.

If you are in love with the Divine, then you can digest knowledge. Love is the appetizer, knowledge is the main course and seva is the exercise. Without love and seva, knowledge becomes indigestible.

A coconut tree is a natural desalination plant. It takes salt water from the earth and makes fresh water inside the coconut. Knowledge is like that tree – it takes us from salty mud to pure bliss.

The actions that can take you to infinity

 

What can you do for eternity? You definitely cannot do anything that is big or great because that requires effort and effort tires you. So, doing something great is a temporary state. If you can think of one thing that is far beneath your capacity and agree to do it for eternity, that becomes puja. 

The willingness to consciously do trivial things for eternity unites you with eternity. This is an antidote to ego. Ego is always ambitious and strives to do the toughest job, like climbing Mount Everest. Simple acts like watching a butterfly, watering the garden, observing the sky can bring deep relaxation, and relaxation connects you with your source. This does not mean that you should do trivial things all your life, but consciously agreeing to do trivial acts for eternity opens a new dimension and brings immense peace and restfulness. 

To find rest in activity, choose an activity that is far below your capacity and agree to do it for eternity. Doing a job far below your capacity and being satisfied, will then make it possible to do a job much beyond your capacity. 

Know that all actions are born out of infinity and that which is born out of infinity can take you to infinity.

What gratitude means, for one on the spiritual path

 

When you are on a spiritual path, you are not thankful or obliged to anyone. In the Bhagvad Gita, Krishna says, “na abhinandati na dveshthi” – he is dear to Me who neither goes on thanking people nor hates anyone. Thanking and feeling obliged indicate that you believe in someone else’s existence rather than in the Divine who rules everything. When you feel obliged, then you are not honoring the principles of karma or the Divine plan. 

Appreciate people for what they are; do not thank them for what they do. Otherwise your thankfulness is centered around ego. Be grateful, but do not be grateful for an act. Be grateful for what is. 

As every individual is nothing but a puppet of the One, thanking and feeling obliged simply demonstrates ignorance. Everything is ruled, controlled and managed by one Divinity. That consciousness has to shine forth in every act of yours; you do not need to make a mood of it. 

So, what should you do when you are grateful to the master? When you have a total sense of belonging, then gratitude does not become an obligation. Such gratitude is for the Divine only and this gratitude enhances your strength.

With all due respect - to reverence and adoration

 

Whatever you revere becomes bigger than you. When you have reverence in all your relationships, then your own consciousness expands. Then to you even small things become big and significant. Every little creature becomes dignified. It is the reverence in a relationship that will save it. 

When you have reverence for the whole universe, you are in harmony with the whole universe. And then you do not need to reject or renounce anything. 

You often do not have reverence for what you own and losing that reverence happens unconsciously. Reverence in ownership frees you from greed, jealousy and lust. Cultivate the skill of having reverence every moment of your life. 

Adoration demonstrates the magnanimity of the one who adores, rather than the one who is adored. Adoration is a sign that the ego has become transparent; the best antidote for ego is adoration. 

Adoration works in three ways:

• For an egoistic person, adulation for someone else is not palatable. If the adoration is for you, it boosts your ego. But if you adore someone else, it dissolves your ego and makes you magnanimous. 
• Desiring adoration is a sign of immaturity. Aversion to adoration is small-mindedness. A lack of adoration in life is dryness and boredom. 
• A healthy mind always likes to adore others, elevate them. An unhealthy mind likes to pull everything down.

Adoration indicates the trust, enthusiasm and richness of a culture. Lack of adoration indicates a society that is self-centered, small-minded, fearful and culturally impoverished. 

Adoration does not sway the one who is great. The test of a person’s greatness is that he is not shaken by any amount of adoration. Being indifferent to adoration when it comes to you and being magnanimous in giving it is the way of the wise.

A stranger sense of belongingness

 

A sense of belonging can bring about a host of negative behaviors – demands, jealousy, lack of awareness and ingratitude. Just look at your own life. You are nicer to strangers, feel more grateful to them and give them more attention than to the people you feel “belong” to you. 

A sense of belonging reduces gratefulness and awareness, and gives rise to demands that destroy love. This is the biggest problem in relationships. With a sense of belonging comes a feeling of being carefree and indifferent. Look...belongingness can make you insensitive and dull, and can remove the charm in life. 

In any case, who belongs to whom in this world? You are a stranger here and everyone is a stranger to you. Blessed are those who feel they are strangers. You feel more obligation to a stranger than to a person you feel close to. Obligation is very good at keeping a check on your ego; it makes you humble. There is no greater antidote to ego than humility, and humility is the beginning of all virtues. 

People have such resistance to obligations. They do not realize they are always under obligations, whether giving or taking. Dull people think they are obliged only when they take. Wise people know that even when they are giving they are under obligation, as the person has accepted what they give. So whether you give or take, you are under obligations. And if someone does not give or take, they are still under obligation because they are freeing you from visible obligations – you are obliged even to those who do not make you obliged. 

Life continually renews itself with you becoming a stranger in this old and familiar world. You are simply loaded with obligations and you are a total stranger in this world at every moment.

How does your ego come in the way of self-esteem?

 

There are two types of respect. The first is respect that comes to you because of your position, fame, or wealth. This type of respect is impermanent. It can be lost once you lose your wealth or status. 

The second type of respect comes because of your smile and your virtues such as honesty, kindness, commitment and patience. This respect no one can take away. 

The less you are attached to your virtues, the more self-respect you have. When you get attached to your virtues, you treat others with disdain and then your virtues start diminishing. Non-attachment to virtues brings the highest self-respect. 

Ego is often confused with self-esteem. Ego needs another for comparison, but self-esteem is just confidence in oneself. For example, a person claiming that (s)he is skilled in mathematics or geography has self-esteem. But to say, “I am more skilled than you,” is ego.

Ego simply means lack of respect for the Self. Your ego will often leave you upset, but if you have self-esteem, you will be unshaken by external factors. In self-respect everything is a game, winning or losing has no meaning, every step is joy and every move is celebration. With self-esteem you simply realize you have it.

An insight into "ego"

 

Ego is an impediment for a leader, a wise man, a merchant, or a servant, but it is required for a warrior and a competitor. A warrior takes on challenges and commitments and stands by them. 

Ego makes you sacrifice yourself for a cause. Ego gives strength and courage and brings valor to meet challenges with endurance and perseverance. A strong ego will counteract depression. 

Ego is often considered selfish, but it is the greatest motivating factor for creativity and generosity. Ego propels you to venture into the unknown. 

There are three types of ego – sattvic, rajasic and tamasic. Tamasic ego is barbaric, blind and self-destructive. Rajasic ego is self-centered and causes misery to oneself and others. Sattvic ego is creative and has protective tendencies. If you cannot surrender, at least have a sattvic ego, as a sattvic ego is always ready to sacrifice.

Overcoming anxiety

 

Nature has built a little fear into all living beings. This fear makes life defend itself, protect itself. Like salt in food, a little fear is essential for people to be righteous. Fear affects you in the following ways:

• Fear of hurting someone makes you more conscious. 
• Fear of failure makes you more keen and dynamic. 
• Fear moves you from carelessness to taking care. 
• Fear moves you from being insensitive to being sensitive. 
• Fear moves you from dullness to alertness. 

Total lack of fear may lead to destructive tendencies – a distorted ego knows no fear. Nor does one with expanded consciousness. While the ego dismisses fear and acts in a destructive manner, the wise one acknowledges fear and takes refuge in the Divine. 

When you are in love, when you are surrendered, there is no fear. Ego, too, knows no fear. But there is a difference, like the difference between heaven and earth – between these two types of fearless states.

Fear makes you righteous; fear brings you close to surrender; fear keeps you on the path; fear keeps you from being destructive. Peace and law are maintained on the planet because of fear. 

A newborn child knows no fear – the baby relies totally on its mother. When a child, a kitten, or a bird start becoming independent, they experience fear and this makes them run back to their mothers. This is inbuilt by nature to sustain life. So, the purpose of fear is to bring you back to the source.

At the present time, many are anxious about how to deal with their anxiety. Here are some of the ways you can manage anxiety:

• Sing, dance and celebrate. The very intention to celebrate will pull you to a more harmonious state. 
• Think about what you can do for others rather than thinking about yourself. Get energized through seva (service). 
• Have an attitude of sacrifice. 
• Remind yourself that you are committed to a greater goal.
• Practice yoga, breathing and meditation. 
• Know the impermanence of the world. 
• Have faith in and surrender to the Divine. Know that there is a supreme power who loves you, is behind you and a accepts you totally. Feeling secure comes with this sense of belongingness. 
• Be courageous and invoke the lion within you. 
• Be unpredictable for a while. Anxiety always relates to some anticipated action so do something completely irrelevant and unpredictable. 
• Be ready to face the worst. This will leave you with stability in your mind. 
• Remember a similar situation in the past when you were able to overcome your anxiety.

Benefits of dispassion

 

If your work is very stressful and you don't get enough time for the family, what should you do? Do you spend quality time with your family? Even if you spend half an hour, are you cordial and fully attentive to the needs of your family? It is not the length of time you spend with your family that matters. What matters is the quality of time that you spend with them.

Thinking you need rest makes you restless. 

Thinking you have to work hard makes you tired. 

Thinking you have worked hard brings self-pity.

Hide your dispassion and express your love. Expressing dispassion may bring ego. By expressing dispassion you lose enthusiasm in life and by not expressing love you feel stifled. Hide dispassion in your heart like the roots of a tree and express love like a ripe fruit. 

When you are in the grip of feverishness over the results of your actions, what should you do? Have faith and confidence that the results will be much better than you can ever imagine. With faith you can rid yourself of the feverishness of action and achievement. Feverishness can be a hangover from overactivity. Sleeping, listening to flute music and bathing in cold water can help. 

When you are doing something very important, take a moment to do something totally irrelevant and insignificant. For example, while decorating your house, take some time to mow the lawn or go shopping. Drop whatever you are doing and do something completely irrelevant. This enhances your creativity. 

Relevant action keeps you bound to the action. Irrelevant action makes life a game. Have dispassion. Know that the whole thing will be over one way or the other, and that it does not matter. Meditation and breathing can calm you down.

Way out of humiliation

 

Know that humiliation does not weaken you, it strengthens you. When you have a sense of belongingness, you cannot feel humiliated. The more egotistic you are, the more humiliation you feel. When you are childlike and have a greater sense of kinship, you do not feel humiliated.

Similarly when you are committed to truth and not to your ego, you do not feel humiliated. If you are afraid of humiliation, you can make progress in neither your material life nor in your spiritual life. When you stand above humiliation, you get closer to the self to God.

When you are steeped in love, with existence, with the divine, nothing whatsoever can humiliate you. So the way out of humiliation is to get humiliated, be childlike, be crazy, get steeped in love with the divine, totally commit to truth, to knowledge.

Handling your own ego

The “I” or ego in you is a tiny atom. If this atom is associated with the body, with matter, it identifies with matter. If this atom is associated with the being, the infinite, it identifies with the infinite self. When this atom, this ego, identifies with the material world, it becomes miserable. But when it is associated with the spirit, it becomes Divine. It becomes shakti, energy, when it is associated with the being, the Self.

It becomes miserable when identified with the body. In a huge atomic reactor, it is just one atom that is exploded. In the same way, in our whole body there is just one atom of “I”. And when this “I” explodes, it becomes the light of the self. Usually we say “I am miserable”, or “I’m happy”. Shift this atom of ego from identifying with the body and the conceptual world, to identifying with the real world.

When you think well of yourself, in a very subtle way, you think badly about others. Then anger, jealousy and hatred follow. When you think badly about yourself, you feel low and again you become angry and you hate others. When you think well of yourself , you are in trouble and when you think badly of yourself, you are in greater trouble. So, drop your self-image. When is there ego?

1. When you don’t get attention.

2. When you seem to be losing attention.

3. When you get attention.

Ego causes heaviness, discomfort, fear, anxiety. Ego does not let love flow. Ego is separateness, non-belongingness, wanting to prove and to possess. Ego can be transcended by knowing the truth, by inquiring “Who am I?” Often, you feel contempt or jealousy towards someone with ego. Instead you should have compassion. There is also a positive aspect of ego.

Ego drives you to do work. A person will do a job either out of joy, compassion or out of ego. Most of the work in society is done out of ego. But in satsangs, work is done out of love. Ego is separateness and non-belongingness. It desires to prove and to possess. When you wake up and see that there is nothing to be proven and nothing to possess, ego dissolves. 

Ego disappears in unconditional love

 

Ego is simply being unnatural, pretension, showing something that you are not. It always needs someone else to appreciate and recognise you. Ego is something like: “I am intelligent, I like this, I don’t like that, I am ugly, I am beautiful etc.”

The reason we have ego is because it is necessary for our growth in life. Ego should be there when there is challenge and creativity. In success, drop your ego but in failure, hold on to it. When you think you are failing, the ego says, come on what is this, nothing can touch me.

The “I” or ego is a tiny atom. It causes heaviness and discomfort. When this atom, the ego, identifies with the body, it becomes miserable. But when it is associated with the spirit, the Self, it becomes Divine. It becomes shakti (energy).

In a huge atomic reactor, it is just one atom that has exploded. In the same way, in our whole body, there is just one atom of “I.” And when this “I” explodes, it becomes the light of the Self. 

In ‘Giridhari’ (Krishna’s name), Giri means mountain, which is ego. Ego is like a stone. It is not hollow and empty; it is solid. And Giridhari lifted the whole mountain with his little finger. This means that even though the ego is like a mountain but with a little bit of love, you can lift it. 

Everyone is made up of love. Knowledge is an aid to develop this innermost state in you. A seed has a shell over it and when you soak it in water, it sprouts and the covering drops. In a similar manner, ego is a necessary unnaturalness that develops in you.

Knowledge uncovers the shell over you and makes you like a child again – natural, simple and innocent. If you find you have a big ego, don’t try to destroy it because that effort will only increase it. The antidote for ego is just being natural like a child. So, be in unconditional love and then ego automatically disappears.

Becoming hollow and empty

 

The world would be free of trouble if there were no love! All the problems in the world are caused by love! If there were no love, you can’t be jealous. Jealousy is because of love. Greed comes because you love objects too much. Anger is because you love perfection; that is why you are angry at imperfections. You love yourself too much and that’s why pride and arrogance come to you. 

Every distortion of love causes problems, yet life will have no meaning without love. Suppose you are immensely successful and have all the riches at your command and but love is missing from your life. But life will not really be worthwhile; it would appear barren. Whatever angle you look from, all we long for in life is love; a divine love. The purpose in life is to blossom in that ideal love. 

So, how do you get to that point of love where it is free from the distortions and you are at ease with yourself? You have to see that what is really obstructing you from that innocent love is your ego. What is ego?  Ego is like a dream. A dream exists until it doesn’t exist. You can’t call a dream real, but you can’t call it unreal either because you have the experience. Ego is simply being unnatural. 

The ego is not a substance; it is a non-substance like darkness. Darkness is only a lack of light. There is no substance called ego. You could say it is just a lack of maturity or the lack of pure knowledge. Knowledge is an aid to develop the innermost state of you, which is love. Love is not an act; it is a state of being rather than an act. We are all made up of love. When the mind is in the present moment, we are in a state of love. Train the mind a little to live in the present moment. 

If everything is God and all is love, then where is life heading to? Life is heading towards perfection. You look for perfection; that is why you are angry at imperfections. There are three kinds of perfection: perfection in action (kriya), perfection in speech (vachan) and perfection in feelings (bhaav). Suppose someone makes a mistake and when you see that mistake you get angry. 

Then you are no better than the person who has made the mistake. Your feelings have become imperfect because of someone’s imperfection in action. Any action will have some flaw. But when the feeling becomes imperfect, then it stays for a longer period. The innermost perfection is lost. 

Spiritual practices help you maintain your centeredness and not be shaken by small events. Every individual is bestowed with all the virtues in the world. They simply get covered by lack of understanding and stress. All that is needed is to just to uncover the virtues that are already there. 

Breathing techniques and meditation are very effective in calming the mind. Learning something about our breath is very important. Our breath has a great lesson to teach us, which we have forgotten. For every rhythm in the mind, there is a corresponding rhythm in the breath and for every rhythm in the breath there is a corresponding emotion. So, when you cannot handle your mind directly, through breath you can handle it better. 

Our mind is like a pot that is turned upside down. When we were born, the pot came first with the neck upright. The whole purpose of life is to stand up, turn the pot upside down and empty it. But the pot is filled with something very sticky; though it is standing upside down, it doesn’t get empty. No animal has its neck upright. Only human beings have the opportunity to empty their heads. Becoming hollow and empty is the whole purpose of life.

Blossoming in immortal love

 

We feel if there is love then why is life so painful? All that we want in life is love. Every human being is longing for a love that doesn’t die out, a love that doesn’t cause pain, a love that grows and stands forever. By taking a multilateral view of life, one can see life in a different way and realise that the purpose of life is to achieve this kind of love and blossom in that ideal love. 

Suppose you are immensely successful and have all the riches at your command but there is no love in your life, then life would not really be worthwhile; it would appear barren. But still, most people lead a loveless life. Have you ever thought why this happens? It is your ego that prevents you from achieving that love. As long as there is ego, there cannot be love. And when there is love, there is no sign of ego. 

What is ego? Ego is simply being unnatural. Half knowledge brings ego but when knowledge becomes complete, ego drops and simplicity dawns.  

The question arises that if ego is so unnatural then why does every human being have an ego? We have an ego because it is necessary in some way for our growth in life. That doesn’t mean it should not have been there from the very beginning. Ego is necessary, but with knowledge you can now grow out of it. 

In the Narada Bhakti Sutras one sutra says: “Knowledge is one of the aids to uncover the naturalness”. Through observing oneself and by going deep into one’s self, through meditation, one can overcome ego.  

Often, when someone shows a lot of love you do not know how to respond, you feel obliged and bound. This is because you are not natural. There is an ego coming in between. The ability to receive genuine love comes with the ability to give love. The more you are centered and natural and know by experience that love is not an emotion it is your very existence, the more you feel at home with any amount of love expressed in any manner.  A seed has a covering or shell over it, and when you soak it in water, it sprouts and then the shell peels off. Similarly, the ego is a necessary unnaturalness that develops as you grow.

When you were a child of two or three years, there was no ego; you are in a state of total, innocent, blissful love. Then the ego forms a cover. Knowledge uncovers this shell and make you a child again; natural, simple and innocent. When you are natural, simple and innocent, there is no ego. The ego is not a substance; it is a non-substance, much like darkness. Darkness is only lack of light. There is nothing called an ego that has substance. Ego is just a lack of total development, a lack of total understanding. It is just a lack of maturity or lack of knowledge.

Ego dissolves in love

 

Ego is simply being unnatural, pretension, showing something that you are not. It always needs someone else to appreciate and recognise you. Ego is something like: “I am intelligent, I like this, I don’t like that, I am ugly, I am beautiful etc.”

The reason we have ego is because it is necessary for our growth in life. Ego should be there when there is challenge and creativity. In success, drop your ego but in failure, hold on to it. When you think you are failing, the ego says, come on what is this, nothing can touch me.

The “I” or ego is a tiny atom. It causes heaviness and discomfort. When this atom, the ego, identifies with the body, it becomes miserable. But when it is associated with the spirit, the self, it becomes divine. It becomes shakti (energy).

In a huge atomic reactor, it is just one atom that has exploded. In the same way, in our whole body, there is just one atom of “I.” And when this “I” explodes, it becomes the light of the Self. In Giridhari (Krishna’s name), Giri means mountain, which is ego. Ego is like a stone. It is not hollow and empty, it is solid.

And Giridhari lifted the whole mountain with his little finger. This means that even though the ego is like a mountain but with a little bit of love, you can lift it. Everyone is made up of love. Knowledge is an aid to develop this innermost state in you. A seed has a shell over it and when you soak it in water, it sprouts and the covering drops. In a similar manner, ego is a necessary unnaturalness that develops in you.

Knowledge uncovers the shell over you and makes you like a child again – natural, simple and innocent. If you find you have a big ego, don’t try to destroy it because that effort will only increase it. The antidote for ego is just being natural like a child. So, be in unconditional love and then ego automatically disappears.

Keys to build strong friendships

 

Not demanding anything from friends, and telling them I’m here to support you is the key. Just believe in one thing: what you need you will get. The giver is somebody else, so don’t demand love. When you demand love you are destroying love. So you should never demand love or attention from people. If you are there only to give love and attention, then anyone will feel comfortable with you. But if you are expecting something then you are putting people in a very uncomfortable position. You can’t say this to everybody, but intelligent people who understand this can make their way.

Tell your friends, ‘I’m here for you’, I don’t want anything from you other than friendship. That will make your friendship long-lasting. When you come from that space, you think your friend will not help you? They will help you when you need help. Not one but ten will come to help you. Also when you do something good for them, don’t keep on talking about it. Don’t keep reminding them of it. How do you feel when someone helps you and keeps on telling you about it all the time? You feel nauseated, isn’t it? You want to get away from them. Nobody wants to be under obligation, so don’t make people feel obligated.

Don’t make people feel small. Suppose you have done a lot of good to somebody, then sometimes ask them for something, a little help like taking you to the railway station or airport. Some small things, so that you maintain the self-respect of the other person as well. There are people who do a lot of charity but they rob the other person of self-respect. That is no good.

One gentleman came to me and said, “I have not taken a dime from anybody, I have only given to all my brothers and friends. I have done so much but nobody wants to be with me, nobody wants to meet up with me, nobody wants to talk to me. This is strange, I never wanted anything from anybody.”
I asked him, ‘Did you anytime ask them to do something for you?’
He replied, ‘Never, and I asserted that I wanted nothing from anybody’.
What happened? He put down the self-respect of people. When the self-respect is in danger, nobody wants to be with that person.

Friendship has two things. You may feel it is very confusing. On one hand, I am saying I don’t want anything from them, and on the other hand, I am telling you to ask them for something to keep their self-respect intact. That is the skill. These are completely two opposite positions. Keeping the self-respect of the other person is number one and second, not demanding anything from them.

Just keep these two things in your mind - firmness with humility. Do not assert your own ego by saying you have never taken anything from anybody or don’t want anything from anybody. It may be true, but you should not come out like that. So, first firmness, then humility.

What is humility? Saying, “Oh, I am so humble”, is not humility. Dignity with cordiality is. Many people who are very dignified keep aloof. They are not warm and cordial. People who are warm and cordial, don’t have dignity. They just look so mushy and wiggly, like noodles. Just imagine noodles all joined together, you can’t even take it in a fork, it’s like paste. That is of no use. Noodle is a good example. They are soft, yet separate, not mushy nor hard. That middle path, cordiality with dignity, this is the secret of friendship.

Whenever a person is down, uplift him or her. When you go to a true friend with a problem you feel lighter when you walk away from them that is a good company. However, if you have a problem and you go to a friend but you come away with your problem appearing much bigger than you ever thought, then that is not a good friend.