How does one deal with anger?

First, create some space for imperfection in life. Do not expect everyone to be perfect overnight.

It will take some time for you to get to that level, where anger does not even touch you. It will keep coming in different shades and intensities.

Instead of looking at the cause of anger, look at the effect it is having on your system. And then, keep relaxing your system, attend to yourself.

This world cannot be so perfect, so broaden your vision. You cannot make everyone the way you want them to be. Unpleasant things are bound to happen. When it happens, you should have the strength and courage to move on. Meditation will definitely provide you that needed strength to overcome anger.

Once in a while if anger comes up, don’t start blaming yourself. One thing that can be very detrimental on the spiritual path is self-blame. Keep moving ahead.

This is where Sangh, i.e. group or company, can also help. Whatever you cannot do alone, you can get help and support from a group, from good company.

Sangh has many benefits, but a few drawbacks also. It can also take up a lot of your energy. It can be draining at times. Many times you will have to compromise on something.

The positive effect is that Sangh helps you to move forward. It gives you that much needed support to move forward.

Whenever your mind goes topsy-turvy, or if your emotions are going up and down, when your inner faith is shaken, then at such times the Sangh will carry you forward. 

It will help you move through the situations. One negative effect of the Sangh is that if someone in the group is negative and miserable and you are not careful enough and join hands with that person, then it can bring you down as well. 

What happens when you find it difficult to attain what you are attracted to?

Usually when we love something, we want to possess it. If you appreciate a painting, you want to buy it and keep it in your home. You find a beautiful garment, and although you know you will wear it only a couple of times, you buy it and put it in the closet.

You have known only one way of loving — love it, possess it and forget it. When you try to possess love, you rob it of its beauty, and then that same love gives you pain.

Whoever you love, you try to dictate terms to them. In a very subtle way you try to rule them. And whatever you try to control turns ugly. You have never loved someone and not tried to possess them.

It begins in childhood. When the second baby comes, the first baby wants all the attention. “Why did you bring this baby home? Give it away.” Many children say,”You belong to me and me alone.” It is a deep samskara, a deep impression, this fear of losing our place in the heart of someone we love.

First comes attraction. When it becomes a little difficult to attain what you are attracted to, then you start loving it.

Have you noticed this? If you simply get whatever you are attracted to — just like that, quickly — you do not develop love for it. A longing must arise. That leads to love. But love brings the fear of loss. 

Yet, a love which has the fear of loss does not blossom. It leads you to other ugly sensations and feelings. Jealousy comes.

There is someone you love very much — a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend — but his or her attention is on someone else. See what is happening in your stomach — it is churning. You try all sorts of gimmicks to deny what is happening within you.

Much ugliness arises because there is fear of loss. You never love something that is big, that is enormous because you have not yet become enormous yourself. And as long as you stay very small, there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is no peace. Joy is expansion, becoming big in your heart. This can only happen in a situation where you are very much in love, but you cannot possess what you love.